Why Relationships Are Never The Cure
Trust Yourself to Lead Your Healing Journey
By Sam Minhas
Last month Olivia Rodrigo released her third studio album, you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love. As you can probably tell from the title, the album revolves around the disappointment that comes with expecting a relationship to heal everything inside of you. In her song, the cure, Rodrigo really expands on this idea. She expresses her frustration that despite having a supportive and loving partner, she still feels unmoored inside. For many people, but especially women, there seems to be this belief that a romantic relationship will magically get rid of all of our problems, but that is simply not reality.
If you go into a relationship with the expectation of healing every broken thing inside of you, that relationship is doomed. Even if you don't realize it, you're dumping a huge responsibility onto your partner—one they may not even know they have. Two things happen as a result of this: one, you start to pay more attention to those uglier parts inside of you, and two, you start building resentment towards your partner. This will inevitably lead to conflict that, more often than not, ends with the relationship.
When you decide to embark on a healing journey, you tend to pay more attention to your issues. For instance, if you are trying to reduce the amount of time you spend on your phone, you'll become hyper-conscious of your screen time. Every time you pick up your phone and realize you've just lost hours doomscrolling, you'll become very frustrated with yourself. The same principle applies to relationships. Say you feel insecure about your appearance, and you expect these insecurities to disappear the moment you get a partner. When they don't, because they won't, you'll notice them even more and feel even worse about them. You'll start to feel like there's something inherently wrong with you, even though that's not the case.
Expecting your relationship to be a cure puts an enormous responsibility on your partner. You're expecting them to heal what's broken inside of you. Most of the time, they're not even aware of their task. When your problems don't automatically disappear, you're going to look for something or someone to blame. You'll most likely blame yourself, but there's another part of you that will also blame your partner. After all, they were the one who were supposed to make everything better. The disappointment of still feeling broken will eventually morph into resentment, which could lead to the end of the relationship.
Even though a relationship cannot heal you, it can help you on your healing journey. Instead of internalizing your problems, take the time to have a conversation with your partner and let them know what's going on. Together, you can come up with a plan that will support you best. Healing and growing does not have to be a solo endeavor. There is no shame in relying on your partner for support.
Many people seem to think that a romantic relationship is the cure to all of life's problems, but that's not true. While a relationship can help you manage life's problems, they cannot solve them. Only you can make yourself grow into the person you want to become.
